How Technology Saved My Marriage

Tyler and I recently celebrated our second wedding anniversary, and I reflected once again on what a lot of hard work a successful marriage requires. And how when you’re so new at this game of two-becoming-one, having the right virtual assistance can make all the difference.

Once upon a time, in this past year of wedded bliss, Tyler and I got into a huge argument. I can’t even remember what it was really about, but it was one of those small things that becomes a big thing quite fast. In fact, Tyler later said he’d never seen me so angry; my eyes were apparently becoming orbs of death flashing their displeasure. (Well… Tyler at least called them “scary”.)

After spitting our toughest words of accusation and building walls of defense around our weakly guarded egos, we retreated to separate parts of the house. When you live in a tiny apartment that means twenty feet apart with at least one wall in between the two.

After what seemed like an hour of deep breathing exercises and meditating on all of Tyler’s traits that I love– (I said I couldn’t remember the details, right? I’m sure that’s what I was doing.) — I was feeling pretty crummy about the broken bond between us and at least a little remorseful about how our “intense fellowship” had gone down. I, being the product of my generation, naturally picked up my phone and googled the following:

How to Have a Healthy Argument.

And lo and behold, there were dozens of articles written for such a time as this! I browsed through a few, and while finding some solace in the fact that this is a topic of much concern among all couples, I realized that it all boiled down to one piece of advice, the most practical, and really most obvious. I needed to go talk to him.

I slipped out of the bedroom and around the corner to the living area, where I found my husband hunched over the computer at the kitchen table. As soon as I made the tiniest squeak, he jumped and spun around with as guilty an expression as the cat caught at the fishbowl. Making a face that said “I don’t know what’s going on here but I’m judging you” as I verbally said “I’m sorry about earlier and I’m ready to talk”, I technically managed to sidestep the questionable behavior and stick to the mission.

Imagine my surprise and total amusement then, when Tyler wholeheartedly agreed with my regret and apology, and told me he was doing some online relationship sleuthing of his own! Although true to his nature, he had been researching a different avenue of argument resolution:

Apology songs on Spotify.

He’d been finding the perfect one with which he could come in and serenade me. If only I hadn’t interrupted, we might know today the song that would have wooed me! It appears there are plenty of options out there, tribute again to the timelessness of relationship blunders. And relationship menders.

And so, in the end, we found that both of us turned to the internet in our time of crises, and found in it a sense of comfort that we weren’t alone in loving, in fighting, and in wanting to love again. What a pair of technology-reliant saps we are.

The true moral of this story is though, that after a little marital tech-support, the real goal of it all is putting down the phone, sitting close, and having an authentic interaction.


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  • Yacouba

    So … whatever did Solomon do with his relationship problems before the age of electrons? Or, is that why he got to write the book (‘cuz he had so many of them, and learned).

    Seriously, I think it’s the miracle of the shed blood of Jesus working in each of you that saved your marriage.

    • Jim, I totally agree! This essay is just meant to be a short anecdote from our last year of marriage, a facetious look at how couples cope in the 21st century. (Godly counseling and couples small groups also help us cope!! :))

  • Haha awesome (and hilarious) story !

    • Thanks Holly! It does make us laugh looking back!

  • One day we’ll tell our kids how we Googled marriage advice, and they’ll probably look at us like we’re cra-cra and wonder what Googling is, lol! I’ve done a similar thing as you before. I am very grateful to have such a plethora of marriage resources at our fingertips, whether books, peers, mentors, or even the internet. It is comforting to know that the Holy Spirit is willing to work through all such avenues. 🙂

    • Haha.. exactly. I love that last line too.. He works in mysterious ways 😉
      And I love your blog Leslie! I am a huge fan of snail mail so it’s fun to see such creative ways to spice up a regular letter!

      • Thanks, Linda! I found you on Peony, and occasionally I ask for help with people to receive mail, so maybe we can hook up addresses. 🙂

        • Yes! Let me know anytime!

  • This is such a cute story! You are definitely not the only ones to Google marital problems and solutions. Here’s to hoping my husband gets inspired enough to research apology songs the next time we get into it!

    • Yes, I’ve got a gem of a husband 😉 Good thing he has the music thing down because our kids will have to learn that from him. I can’t carry a tune! haha

  • I wasn’t very internet savvy when we first got married, but I read through several good books on marriage that first year or two. Sometimes the advice of wise people is very needed!

    • We had an older couple mentor us through our year of engagement and first year of marriage, and it has seriously been the biggest influence on our marriage. We also have read a couple books in a small group that we really enjoy. What would be your favorite books/recommendations??

  • I just popped over here after your lovely comment on my blog, and I’m so glad I did. I’m also in my twenties and we are just coming up to our 3rd anniversary. I got married at 20 so there’s been a LOT of learning and a LOT of googling on the way. I can totally relate to the comfort of googling something and realising you aren’t alone. I know that we are never truly alone because we have God and Jesus, but sometimes it’s nice to know there are other humans out there going through the same thing, and some of them have some good advice for us to follow 🙂

    I also learned to accept that arguing in a healthy way is good for a marriage! It’s good to challenge eachother and disagree, as long as it’s not done in a detrimental way and as long as the common goal is to become closer to God and to eachother. Plus if we agreed on everything life would be boring.

    In our marriage so far we’ve had one defining TERRIBLE argument that I will always remember as our worst, and it was the iPhone vs Android phone debate. It’s actually laughable now that something so small could cause us to be so defensive haha!

    • Hahaha. Android vs iPhone? Yes, the argument topics we hang on to the most tightly really seem the silliest in retrospect! I agree though– arguments can be fruitful if they are done in a healthy way. We are still learning all the time (and it can be quite an uphill battle some days) but it’s amazing to think how far we’ve come in 2 years!